


Where You Go, I Will Not Follow

by Vortaesthetic



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Gen, Past Jadzia/Worf, Reflection, a little bitter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-20 19:16:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11927466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vortaesthetic/pseuds/Vortaesthetic
Summary: Sometimes, she loves Jadzia. Sometimes, she doesn't. But Ezri has to find some sun for herself.





	Where You Go, I Will Not Follow

Jadzia Dax had left behind a scarred battlefield of broken hearts. 

Ezri Dax was the one left behind to pick up the pieces.

She couldn't lie. Sometimes Ezri felt bitter about it. As if her own life had to be paused so she could tie up Jadzia's loose ends. Yes, it was a totally unreasonable, uncharitable thought-- after all, Jadzia had hardly been planning to die that day. Shameful as the bitterness may be, she couldn't help it.

Ezri had been violently uprooted from her life when she was selected for the emergency joining. There was no question that she'd struggled with the onlaught of lifetimes following the sudden joining with Dax, but curiously, the staff of Deep Space Nine actually seemed to be worse off about the whole ordeal than she was. 

...and that's saying something, considering her embarrassing first turn as counselor on DS9. She hadn't been ready, hadn't had the time to sort out her own problems and insecurities yet and there she was trying to take on assignments. She always cringes when she thinks of Garak, hyperventilating under his own stress as she unthinkingly dumped her own anxiety onto his already sinking boat. He'd rightfully ripped her to ribbons for it at the time, but he was surprisingly kind to her afterward, which actually made the ordeal more difficult to deal with. He really was too understanding about the whole affair, too forgiving of her faults. 

She's gotten her feet under her now; such a thing would never happen again, but that was certainly not her finest hour. If her showing was so dismal, what did that speak of the adjustment of those Jadzia left behind? 

How were they coping?

Some of them accepted her headlong. _Benjamin._

Most of them were getting there. _Kira. Julian._

Some of them weren't coping at all. _Worf._

_I guess that's what happens when you are an exceptional person, _she thinks. _There has never been anyone like you and there never will be again. Shoes left behind that no one will ever quite fill.___

__Ezri probably had a little to do with that confusion on Worf's part, to be honest. He had avoided her like the plague when she first showed up on the station, growing downright hostile whenever she tried to interact with him. In retrospect, she should have given him his time and space to grieve, but it was that shadow of Jadzia in her that needed the closure, that was curious about what she had left behind, who had to see the wounds left behind in the man she had loved. The shadow of her that revelled in the scar she would leave in his warrior soul for life. The shadow of her that had eventually come to terms that her time was done. It had probably done Worf more harm than good in hindsight, but Jadzia would not be refused her chance to grieve herself._ _

__Death was a messy affair and left behind nasty scars._ _

__He would heal, given time. Given space. But it has not happened quite yet. He still fights day in and day out not to think of Jadzia. It's gnarled into his ridged, hard brow every time he turns his eyes on her._ _

__But there needed to be a change to the rule books. Promises needed to be made to herself to keep herself anchored in her life's turbulent sea. Rules to keep things clear. To keep her honest._ _

___I promise to be brutally honest with myself. I also promise to be kind to myself._ _ _

___I will hold myself to the highest standard. I also promise to forgive myself when I fail._ _ _

___I promise Ezri the chance to live her life. I also promise to honor the memories of those that came before me._ _ _

__With every step she takes, she chants a mantra in her head:_ _

___Time moves on._ _ _

___I have to move on with it._ _ _


End file.
